Time and Further Things

As if it is December....

I am probably not the only one to be saying this but that only means one thing!!!!!

Loads of uni work, very little time to do it, the start of revision for the evil E word (I refuse to use it yet) 

Oh right yeah, and this Christmas thing.... Forgot about that for a sec. 

Obviously I didn't as like most, I am already completely stumped for buying presents for people, and the best part of this is I haven't even started. So if you want a present off me, it's looking increasingly like a either a chewit or a generic card with some form of joke about how I seem to annoy you (since it is different for many different people (to the point I am losing track))

Recently watching the adverts on TV, well one in particularly, it really does give perspective how fickle and pointless life is. I am of course talking about Park Catalogue, the only one talking about Christmas 2012!!! I'm still panicking over the presents for this year never mind going a year in advanced... 
Reading that back, I really need to find more depth in life. It seems I can make massively deep assumptions on life by looking at one advert, which as a source of reputable knowledge is right up there with most wikipedia pages.


I shall finish on one good thing that has come now December has ended, I will very shortly no longer look (quoted from others) 'like a sex offender' as Movember has now ended. Thank you to everyone that gave me abuse over the month as it really did make it feel like I was making a sacrifice for charity.
The funny thing is though, I have got sort of attached to my tache. Only one reason really, that intellectual feeling of contemplating the world while massaging one's upper lip without looking like you have some form of issue either social or mental...


But even with that, it is annoying as hell so I will be getting rid very shortly, might even update here with a pic if you are all really really lucky


Well I am really glad I have wrote this, if only I could put this word rate to assignments eh? (honest mum I do)

Movember, and other life updates

So yeah I've been doing Movember this year, so given my way of doing stuff I have gone for it. Nothing more proves this than a lovely picture

Oh also, if you laugh pretty hard at this, my page is http://mobro.co/Mattstebbings

I would happily accept donations (not currently on my knees begging much...)

However ignore the glasses revel in the brilliance of the shirt. Oh and I am Still 21, I would like to point this out. 

I think i look sort of smooth and dignified. However this opinion hasn't exactly been shared. It has been said that i look like I am preparing for a 70s cop show throw back. I dont see it though, mainly as i can't ride a Vesper.

Either way I like it, and donating my face to charity is a good thing. 

In other news, nothing much has changed. It feels weirldly that I am becoming more awesome yet more naturally cynical of life to the point of ranting about stupidity. It is fun though.

I am enjoying life these days, meeting new people. I like conversing with people who have interesting things to say. Probably stating the obvious pretty heavily there really. But also I have learnt things from speaking to new people, mainly that I use/make up brilliant stupendous, refulgent words. Mind this has lead to some rather interesting conversations about favourite words. It's almost leading me to write the most 'interesting' list i have ever considered writing, a ranked list of my favourite words judged on usability, commonality and intelligent-soundingness (ok that one isn't really a sensible name for the category but it's my list). In general I don't make any types of list because they seem far too much like organisation and I like to keep things easy.

But aye feel free to chat to me

Gaming and it's enthrallment

I know I have talked about gaming before but a recent game deserves me bringing this back

Skyrim

This game has single-handedly altering not only the life in the flat but the style of conversation, natural reactions and thought processes....

For those who haven't had their lives completely remolded by this game, it was released just over 2 weeks ago (although total household play probably already amounts to around over 250 hours (as usual incase my mum is reading, only about 10 hours of that is me... Honestly)


For those who have escaped the grasp of this game thus far, it is a RPG style game set in times when nords existed and swords and shields were the weapons of choice (or the most advanced) and magic was not only believed in but also possible. This might not sound like a particularly good game at first with the pretence but what if i threw the thought of fighting dragons! Now do I have your attention?


I think reading that back I should give up on  being a game reviewer...


Anywho back to what i was saying


Skyrim is one of those games that can completely take over your life, the map is huge.... I will try and give you some scale, it takes a good 20mins to walk across from one side to the other in real time, well closer to 4 hours by the time you get repeatedly distracted/attacked/pummelled by a giant/ set on fire/ had an ice spike fired through your shoulder/picked up all the random bits of foliage to see if it is good for you/looked for a shop with some gold to buy stuff off you/ WAIT FOR ALL THE BLOODY LOAD SCREENS. Gets pretty deep


But the most worrying thing is it does change how you see the world around you. an example of this is I was working in the lab in uni last week when someone picked up a glass stirring rod behind me. Now this is a standard thing to hear in a chemistry lab so no one really reacted, well I say no one, my natural instinct got me to pick up my steel dagger (ok spatula but play along) and prepare for a fight.... Also there are far too many game references popping up in day to day conversation. My flatmates no longer say that I am a chemistry student, but a potion master apprentice... And walking along the street seeing flowers in other people's gardens is making me want to 'harvest' them in order to eat them on the off chance I will get a stamina boost.


It's times like that which make me consider whether the game is addictive or I have mental problems.... And no I am not asking for you to suggest which is true.

Uni Life (a revision)

So I am back to uni, how very. very. very fun. I have never felt such joy as looking at my new timetable for the semester and noticing a three hour chunk of my weekly life designated to destroying my will to live via physical chemistry. Yes I know I picked the subject of study but at no point did I want to spend 1/8th of a day learning about the vibrations of molecule because I don't really care.... I prefer to just make stuff, Its like making a cup of tea, but before you do, fully understanding where the flavour comes from  and the equations for the interactions between the actual tea solution and the milk.... Who would? As long as it is tasty, I don't think many people would give a flying philanthropist...


But I have to admit, its good to be back. Being at uni means that I can catch up on xbox time (unless you are either my mum (love you mum) or my lecturer then I am working harder than ever) 


Its a weird feeling going into fourth year, in the scenario I am in I am now old... more over I  would like to think I have a young looking face, requiring a full on beard to seem close to my real age. But I find it really weird walking around seeing people looking like they should still be in college never mind uni... 'Fresh faced' is the term, a precursor to underaged looking... although working freshers weird was fun I have to admit. It gave me one of the most surreal sites I have ever seen. School disco themes are always fun (as much for the bar staff as the students) but discos with freshers get messy... i was walking around the floor and i swear i gained muscle in my legs from ripping my feet from the floor, its the closest I have come to wearing a pair of suction shoes. Now given this situation the last thing I expected to see was every single last person sitting down on the floor 'dancing' to the banana boat song... I half expected half of them to sit be stuck on the floor at the end of the night straining repetitively to pull themselves up


How i laughed






Oh and funnily enough this is the most revision I have done on anything....


Plus, Its nearly November and this year I am planning on participating in Movember, my link is here: http://mobro.co/Mattstebbings
Please donate if you can and also give suggestions on the style I should grow


Everyone wins!

Summer Holiday

Wooo Summer is here, and it's England and it's sunny. 


So anyone else bored yet?


Now it is feeling strange being off, for those who don't know I have just come off an industrial placement which is in essence a company exploiting my ability before throwing me away (not really it was good fun and a great experience). But it means I am now a lot more used to doing sod all and being paid for it, rather than sitting around at home doing very little. 


I am currently living the typical human paradox, complaining because I have nothing to do after spending a year complaining that I had to work every day. I wish I could win with my brain, I like my sport but now I am back living at home every time i go to do something I get the feeling of 'Hmmm Matthew shouldn't you be hibernating now?' As if I was some kind of rare type of bear that requires 48 days sleep for 10mins awake (actually sounds about right). But it is ridiculous to think that I am the same, arrogant yet fantastic athlete (sarcasm much?) that I was a few weeks ago?


Although it is strange, now i have moved back to Redcar I have never seemed so wanted or required back in Newcastle, typical of my life really. its like my cake is in Newcastle but I can't only portion it to myself living else where, only able to reach the odd crumb here and there. Enough with the cake analogy, its making me hungry....

Sport

It was a matter of time before this came up. Now some of you that know me more personally will now expect about a page and a half of why I am amazing at football, my list of achievements and some form of widget to give me a digital 'High 5' For the last goal I scored.

However in an attempt to be vaguely modest and clever, I will tell a story in which I am not bathed in glory or running rings around everyone (in fact given my injury record, running around in general)


Oh if you haven't noticed by now, I'm not very good at starting these

But back to what I was on about, Sport

Good fun isn't it? Personally I find you can't beat a good bit of competitive action. I am hugely competitive, the only problem is following up that competitiveness with winning. This became horrifically evident to me recently playing tennis. Now I enjoy playing tennis, at one point I was ok at it, can hit the ball and win the odd match however my latest attempt to play was, rusty to say the least. I do enjoy sports and like owning my own equipment, however choice of said equipment isn't always good. Sticking with tennis, I own a tennis racket (quite fittingly) however the one i own has a remarkably small sweet spot, and as many men will know, finding a sweet spot is difficult enough when you are in practise but when you have done it in a while, the rhythm goes as well just can't keep the technique going to keep centred (Note: this may have turned into a rather long innuendo)

I will leave that there before I gain a reputation of being somewhat crude...


I love the anger that can be generated even in the friendliest of games. I like the idea of people playing that highly aggressive sport of garden bowls. I like to watch from time to time just to see the players running down the lawn after the ball, leaning to the side as if it were being played on xbox Kinect and the movement would influence the ball.... I have heard myself shouting at the TV 'well if you wanted to roll it more to the right then why the hell didn't you before you let go of it?!' 

Turns out everyone is an expert on all sports, the amount of times you overhear people in the pub talking about football saying things like 'oh I think Villa should play a 2-3-2-3-1 formation' which is fantastically expert sounding until you realise that it would require 11 outfield players, now I am no tactical mastermind however i know that using a goalkeeper in football is generally accepted to be quite sensible.

But I personally feel that competitiveness is a wonderful trait, sure it may take a bit more maturity to stop yourself killing people but the steely mentality produced by being able to admit defeat gives you a determination to never have to again. And I haven't in a long time because of it (oh well modesty fail)


Oh also Like me on facebook, in trying to become more of a 'brand' in true apprentice style, I am expanding awareness. 


Spread the word, I might just be encouraged to write more often.

Presenting

I hold a special place of anger for this..... 

PowerPoint

Now I can understand why it is used quite extensively, a good tool for holding 'small' amounts of writing to talk through to people using excessive charisma and enthusiasm to make it a good learning experience, maybe even entertaining.

Now if you are like me, you will have come across 2 people like this ever (and if you have seen me, I am probably one of them (that's not arrogance, just for some reason the voice i put on is entertaining). I know above is a very idealised view of the usage but I am sure we have all had the more typical experience.....

The bludgeoning through slides with enough wording to be the opening chapter of a novel. I think most of us could survive this if the delivery of said words wasn't so monotone that it sounds like a drone of wasps stuck in your ear.

Now I can't justify just complaining about this, as I mentioned before, I am not the best at this whole presenting business. I may come across as entertaining but that is only because of my 'style'. I know the voice I use is exaggeratedly snobbish with a word rate that is beyond patronising. Honestly to. type. how. I. talk while presenting, you need. to. follow all. of the full stops in. this. sentence. Also the level of articulation used on every word almost requires a certain amount of spitting, handy tip: don't sit in the front row.

Also it has been observed that it looks like I am doing the bleep test (eurgh P.E. in school) moving side to side with an almost unparalleled level of energy.

I know that this is hard to imagine so I will quantify this for you

Imagine you are in a presentation being taken by an elocution instructor standing as if he is half way through a verse of 'I'm A little teapot' moving side to side as if he were on a slalom course.

Starting to get the picture? Now throw in a waistcoat and you have the full image

Understand the entertainment value yet?


Also if you like what I am doing, do recommend me on stumbleupon. I would like a panel show appearance in the near future.

Social interactions

I will be honest from the start on this one, not my strongest suit.  I am as likely to end up curled up on a couch with a Christmas tree on my back as I am trying to what looks like an invisible limbo.......

Look I'm not actually joking this time

There you go Duncan

 
I mean yeah I hold my own, some would even call me funny or entertaining (more the blind and deaf, (but a good review is a good review right?)not trying to come across desperate....) but I am catastrophic when it comes to anything more than a social gathering.

I feel bullet points are in order
Here (in a very organised form) are my main problems

• I am THAT guy that always seems to try too hard, i mean i have never understood this concept personally, I am not sure in a night club you can try too hard at dancing and trying not to make a complete fool of yourself. Ok I try to dance, but rhythmically you are more likely to find a salmon leaping up a waterfall with more grace and dexterity than my 'signature' dance moves
• now I think the waistcoat look is cool, suave and sophisticated. not a lot more to say on that, just trying to bring that look back pretty much single handily....
• I rely heavily, ok solely on my ability to be vaguely humorous to seem interesting. I can hear you all think at once 'ahh hhaaa there is an inherent flaw in this plan' which I would respond with 'well bloody done einstein' Night clubs are loud. To be more like Einstein here is a basic formula
  loud music + most likely very drunk people + a decent joke 
  = Me feeling like a right loser as the joke falls flat on it's proverbial face
  Right back to normal.
  
  I mean with girls I am completely useless beyond being an acquaintance. I am sure we all have that girl that we find stunning, great fun to be around, smart, just generally brilliant that we hang around, chat to, have banter with even go out with from time to time. Now imagine that situation as a person self described as a 'hopeless romantic' combined with cheesy, soppy, sickly complimenting skills topped off with a penchant (ooo french) for completely messing up any situation and you get something resembling me.....
  
  No this isn't a sympathy sponge post.
  
  Just its annoying being so unparalleled in being single....

Gaming

Now I have to admit, I play quite a few games. I own the headset for my xbox (used once(however in my defense that was to comically abuse another player(note: silly voice was used and nothing ACTUALLY abusive was said))) and do use MW2 for relaxation purposes after a stressful day. But I'm not a 'proper' gamer, the type that is noctural and has stopped buying lightbulbs because if you dont have a home cinema system on the go, in the dark with a face painted camoflague then you are just not doing it properly.

You have to love the gaming industry though. How long did they ask the question? So how can we not have to make a controller? 
Cost saving is epically important these days when you're only making $89million a year on one console.... 

Darn this economic climate

But you almost have to be impressed with the sheer pointlessness of Kinect (project natal to hardcore gamers (only because that was it's original name and once you have complained about it on a forum (that no-one cares about) you're not going to call it something else) or the posh eyetoy as i call it.

Eee I loved the eyetoy for PS2, the only hardware that could combine Geroge Formby's music and raving about as if someone has fired a champagne cork at your rear end into an hour of family fun that teaches kids that cleaning windows is an acceptable career choice.

In terms of Kinect, I don't understand the point as I may have already eluded to. I don't know if I am a bit old fashioned and think you call a spade a spade, but I would feel ripped off that my console doesn't have a controller. Its like (insert own geniusly related metaphor here, I can't think of one). Yeah like that. And the games just feel demeaning like they have tried to make you as much like a drunken octopus as they can.


I mean the best they can do at the minute is a sport based game, now i can understand the bowling, but the running has been making us look 'special' since the Wii got hold of the motion plus. In fact i am being unfair, my old friend the eyetoy beat nintendo to it, only difference is the 'running' technique for that game was more of an impression of a pirate on a pogo stick.
But you have to give credit to the game makers for Kinect, you have made us stoop pretty low.... well for a volleyball but still, stooping is required.

The premise for games like this is to get us enjoy a game with exercise. It used to be called going outside but hey, technology these days... Is there anything it can't simulate? 


But to me it doesn't work really. Being the fair, balanced minded person I am, I have only used one once and I am hardly the voice of reason on these things. 

I mean I like the Wii as a gaming console...

Technology and Me

Now i dont think i am that bad at using technology, i couldn't explain why uPnP on your modem is important but i thought technogoly and I could happily go for a pint and not end the day fighting.

Some technology is just plain annoying

Now food shopping at the best of times is usually nothing more than a tedium (and the more chunky person's weekly exercise) but I am lost to understand the purpose of self service check outs....

What is the point? You take a person from behind the tills to replace it with a mahcine only to have it supervised by a person! Thats like automating making breakfast for you to have to place all the ingredients in, watch it be cooked and then still have to take the pans off the stove...
And why do they take the world's most annoying person, wait for them to have a heady cold and wake them up in the middle of the night before doing the recordings? They could not be any more irritating.

I do have some sympathy for the person because the only thing I can think of worse than hearing them is having to record them. Why do they have to be so patronising?


If you want to play along hold your nose say the following phrases, see how long before you want to punch yourself in the face


"Please scan the first Item"
"Please Put the item in the bagging area"
"Please Scan the next Item" 
Repeat from top x far too many times

If you haven't got a black eye right now then you're probably not holding your nose tight enough

But it gets worse, I was recently in a very green coloured supermarket using the self service (because I like to inflict pain on myself like that) and was paying using my card. Now i can understand that some people might be thick enough to try to pay with their card without putting the card in the machine, but does it really really need to tell me 'Please put the card ALL the way into the reader?' What does it think Im going to do? Flirt with the reader by putting the card and taking it out several times over? Or just balance it on top hoping that somehow it can read the pin? I really don't understand the purpose

THE SINGLE MOST ANNOYING THING THOUGH
is it is probably quicker. 

Even if you want to unplug it and lick the socket after use.....

Human Stereotypes

Now apparently since im still fairly new to this, a little more about me might be quite fitting. Some might call me fickle if I am just being angry at things all the time.

But I am a student, mind not your normal student....

Not many people can claim that amongst the rockers and the geeks, they were a stereotype sat undiscovered. The sort of student that much preferred a bottle of red wine and several hours of classical music to standing in a dark dingy room full of people crashing into you because its “fun” listening to music more repetitive than daytime TV antiques shows. Im the sort of person that has a music library diverse for Elgar to be pro or preceeded by megadeth and La Roux, that happened yesterday.

Some would call me talented, others just saying experienced, the people talking sense saying that I have put myself through many different hobbies to reach a horrific averageness before quitting to try the next, like throwing a dart at a board with your weak hand at a list of things to try.

Its not about the winning, its the taking part as they say

Sometimes seems like a feeble attempt to cheer up those less skilled. Or as probably more often used, a vaguely arrogant comment to spark another duel between winners and losers.
I am a competitive person with a bad temper, of course I might snap if you beat me then rub it in, what do most expect? A pat on the back and me saying 'oh jolly good old chap, next time let lady luck's sweet song ring in my ear'?!?!?!

That would make me sound silly.

the thing i hate about

Public transport, I'm an avid user on grounds of being a poor student. It gets me (vaguely) to work but it serves no more of a purpose than a bowler hat at a star wars convention... sure its there, you were prefer to have something else but its all you could get. that turned out to be a much more viable metaphor than planned....

But there is such a mundarity attached to the same route taking such an exaggerated amount of time and costing more than it would to hire a jet pack to do the same distance. I hate the arrogance, Signs on the roof about the green “credentials” of public transport. Lies in the majority, ‘reduce your carbon footprint, take the bus’. I'm sure the world’s carbon footprint would be much lower if people didn’t get a bus to go two stops. I'm sure they feel good about it too. If people like that wore pedometers, it would be in minus figures flashing “you lazy sod” every other step.

As that famous saying goes, it isn’t a bus journey without an insulting driver. I genuinely got told off by a driver once for standing at a bus stop and there was some traffic. It was one of those strange times you are almost apologising for keeping someone in a job.

It isn’t just the bus itself though... there are some self obsessed people travelling on them with such arrogance it is almost ironic to their surroundings. Like that guy that likes to sit on the slightly raised seat wearing sunglasses (even when it’s raining) just so he can lord it over everyone. Anyone else thinking, he’s compensating, the bus equivalent of anyone who drives a flash car. It wouldn’t have been quite so beautiful if he hadn’t looked like a love child of the Andy Fordham and the Hairy bikers. Science has come far too far for this to happen.

And whistlers, I have to say I enjoy whistling but when its amazing grace whistled at half the normal speed with more wrong notes than the average boy band live concert, it takes some amazing grace not to ram the newspaper he is reading down his throat. 

Eurgh what is it with chavs (or charvers) playing techno on the back seat? Did I want a rave? Surely there would be much much much more strobe lighting on the bus if ANYONE wanted you to playit.

suppose i better introduce myself

You know what sod it, your not getting an introduction. Im getting straight into the crooks of life
To be honest anyone reading this at the moment knows who I am so it would almost be insulting to tell you all again. But on the VERY off chance this becomes something more than here for the sake of it and to be able to say 'some experience in online networking beyond social networking sites' to my CV then here goes

Im Matthew

Im currently 20 although this is up for debate

I study chemistry which will guarentee three personality stereotypes have just popped into your head.

1. No I dont wear glasses
2. Ok i like bowties and quite like the 'electrocuted' hair style
3. Oh and my social life cosists of more than being on my computer and making silly putty

Just to conflict matters im a Trombonist which, to people who know the typicals of brass players, are generally know for being ridiculously loud and extroverted. There are others also in there like most likely to be an alcoholic but wouldnt it be mundane to fill a stereotype?


Couldnt have picked two more polar talents (chemistry jokes are free).

Sums me up like.

So yeah check back here when you fancy it, something might have angered me enough to rant